Dear Last girl,
You obviously don’t know me (nor I you), so let me briefly introduce myself to you. My name is Kene Okwudili and I’m 28. I like soccer, playing video games, and singing, yeah I’m a really great singer. I’m a Marketer by occupation but a MicroBiologist by training. I was brought up in a good home, my parents were financially stable so my basic needs were taken care of. Guess what? I was the best graduating student in my set in college, so you can say that I’m no dull brain. I’ve also often been told of my undeniable dashing looks. Ok, so that’s who I am, basically.
I’ve had a really great life with maybe some minor challenges that were easily taken care of. My current job now, pays really well, especially considering the economy of the country. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m telling you all this. It is to show you that my life is going really well and yet I seem to be missing one thing, this one thing is what I’ve been looking for, for a really long time now: YOU! Yes You, I have been to places and been with people but I can’t seem to find you, every time it looks like I have, I find out it isn’t you after all.
In my search for you I’ve been with a lot of girls, dated so many that I think I filled the calendar. For instance, Nkem, my ex girl friend was like the Sun and Rain, she meant the world to me (or so I thought). Her physique looked like that of a goddess if I ever saw one, she seemed, flawless and simply scintillating. I thought I’d love no other again until I met Sandra. Hmmm… Sandra was everything Nkemakolam ever was and more. We totally connected on an intellectual level that Nkem and I couldn’t get to. Therefore, Sandra became my world, became the woman my mind woke up to and went to bed with, became the Sun and Rain and also my song.
I really thought she was you. I said to myself: well done! You’ve finally met “the last girl”, now be merry. It was only 5 months into our relationship that I saw a flaw I hadn’t seen before. I became disengaged, no longer motivated to make anything out of the relationship, looking for the quickest and easiest reason to pin my exit on her. I remember one time she said “I Love you” and I responded “Join the queue”, she repeated “I Love you” and I said “Get a clue”, I couldn’t care less at the time. I began to assault her verbally and gradually kill whatever spark I saw left in the relationship. All these happened after the flaw made me conclude that she was disqualified to ever be you. This was the same girl that used to be the image of perfection in my eyes.
Like you guessed, the relationship died a (not so) natural death and I moved on. This time I said to myself, I must find “the one”, the perfect one who would suit my (insatiable) wants and (unending) desires, I must find You, “the last girl”, the one who would never have a flaw and so keep me from walking out the door. It took me a while though, after a couple more relationships that followed the same cycle as Nkem and Sandra’s, I met her. Pause! Only the thought of Yemi still sends shivers to my spine. Her smile could replace my country’s dilapidated power supply, her stride looked like an artist’s master piece and her voice was more satisfying than a good paying job to an unemployed graduate. As was the custom, it didn’t take me much time to win her over and at that moment I truly felt fulfilled. Now I thought, I’d move on to purpose and take the world with her by my side. Don’t mean to bore you so let me cut to the chase, I think you can guess how it ended, we had a great run, I Loved everything about her, until I saw what I didn’t, and that was it! I called it off and left her distraught.
My life was a mess, you couldn’t see it on the outside though, but I knew it, there was a hole that nothing could fill, I tried to use those girls to patch my heart but the relationships all failed because I was hurting, I was empty, and far from being whole.
A friend told me that he understood my condition, he used to be there too, until he understood that Love was not found in perfection but perfection in Love, he understood that you’re not the only one who needs help, you’re not the only one who needs Love, we all need Love, WE ALL NEED HEALING.
It seems I didn’t quite understand that, that every one of us will bear our flaws with us, it seemed like I was searching for one that will make me perfect, as I knew I was riddled with flaws and imperfections. But no human is endowed with the capacity to make you as well themselves satisfied, no human has the key to your joy or how you feel about yourself, no human has the ability to give you all the Love you deserve, that’s the creator’s job, only Abba can do that.
I’m learning now, I’m learning slow, but I’m learning. Until I’m done learning, I doubt we’ll ever meet, but I won’t give up, I won’t stop trying. I’ll keep pushing, I’ll keep hoping, until I find you, dear last girl.